Winter and the Holidays are Coming!

And it’s NOT a good thing!

(Actually, they are already here. I started this post in early November, but life and writer’s block got in the way of finishing it.)

I hate winter. I have always hated winter. It’s cold. It’s depressing. It’s cold.

I clearly remember one horribly icy day in which I was trying to dig our driveway out of a 3’ ICE DRIFT. Yes, you read that right. I swore – in Scarlett O’Hara Fashion – that I would NOT die in the State of Indiana – that I would experience warm winters before I depart this earth.

Since about mid-October I started to dread winter. Just the colder temps, gray skies, and falling leaves reminded me that winter is coming, the season when Tim was his sickest before he died. In addition to the cold, depressing months that define Indiana winters, we must deal with the over commercialization of Christmas. We barely got out of Halloween before the Christmas displays hit the stores.

I went to the mall on the Thursday after Halloween to return some sweaters I ordered online. There were Christmas displays EVERYWHERE. On that day, I was able to just declare them “annoying” and move on with my day. The following day, I went to Meijer for basic sundries and was bombarded again with more Christmas displays. This time it hit me as just downright cruel.

The holidays are hard for anyone who has experienced the loss of someone they love. I’ve heard it addressed many times at church – the recognition of the pain that people feel regarding the empty chair at the Thanksgiving or Christmas or any other holiday gathering. Yes, I dread the holidays without Tim. But the Winter season along with the Winter holidays just remind me of when Tim was dying. All those Christmas displays just reinforce the darkest, most painful days before Tim passed away.

I’ve been praying through this season – praying that God would remind me of the true meaning of Christmas: That he sent his Son, as promised in Genesis and throughout the Old Testament, to live among us and offer his life as a perfect sacrifice to atone for our sins. It is because of Christ, whose birth we celebrate at Christmas, that Tim is free from sin and physical pain and in the presence of our Glorious Savior. And I have that same hope – that I will one day be free from sin and all the pains of this world and be in the presence of Christ. And I’ll see Tim again.

I’ve also been transparent with those close to me when they ask how I’m doing. My response for weeks has been, “I’m dreading winter.” They have been praying for me. It's now the second week of December, and I can honestly say that God has answered my prayers and my friends’ prayers. I have felt peace and joy that can only come from Him, and I pray that I will continue to seek Him and rest in Him during this season. I invite you to pray for me and to pray for those who are hurting during this Holiday Season.